


the death of the sun (there will be darkness again)

by SparkleMoose



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angels Are Not Nice, Crisis of Faith, Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), M/M, They Can Be But It's a Choice, What Do You Get When You Give A Witch A Tasty Media Bone? This Apparently, Yeah; Sure; Lemme Just Do My Take On This
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 02:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20538824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkleMoose/pseuds/SparkleMoose
Summary: Raphael has hated many things in his life. He hated those that sent him his siblings back in tatters during the War. He hated those that took the glory out of his brothers and sisters. Caused them to collapse into black holes and die.He hated those that did harm, but he never hated Lucifer for falling.Perhaps that had been his mistake.OR a brief look into Crowley-as-Raphael and his emotions regarding a few things.





	the death of the sun (there will be darkness again)

  
i.

Raphael falls, and despite later claims, it hurts. The agony of light being ripped from his body, of a void taking shape where something that was holy once rested has him screaming, calling out for his brothers, for his sisters, for anyone who would listen. The emptiness, in those first few moments, is unbearable enough that Raphael cannot move when Lucifer comes to him.

The Morning Star comes to him, eyes burning and hair flaxen gold. Lucifer comes to him, curls himself around Raphael’s body and despite everything, despite knowing better, Raphael clings to him.

_Oh, Brother,_ Lucifer says, and he sounds sad almost,_ You always were curious._

In that instant, in those few words, Lucifer inspires hate.

(Raphael has hated many things in his life. He hated those that sent him his siblings back in tatters during the War. He hated those that took the glory out of his brothers and sisters. Caused them to collapse into black holes.

He hated those that did harm, but he never hated Lucifer for falling.

Perhaps that had been his mistake.)

ii.

Raphael is not Raphael.

Raphael is not Raphael because Raphael is in Heaven. Raphael is not Raphael because Raphael is on earth, in a garden that his Father made. Raphael is not Raphael because the Archangel would never dream of tempting the most glorious of his Father’s creations.

But that’s Raphael.

Crowley doesn’t care about God, or Lucifer. Doesn’t care about the Eternal Struggle or how this one act will echo throughout history. Crowley doesn’t care because he still thinks of Falling. Thinks of his wings, still gold and brilliant despite his Fall. Crowley thinks of how he had asked a question and how that had been enough for Her to cast him out.

He thinks of his question.

_Don’t they deserve more? _He had asked, for if you are not going to care for something then why make it?

He had Fallen for that question.

And he stares at the Garden.

He finds he doesn’t regret it when Eve bites the Apple.

The Angel at the Gate disapproves of him.

It’s a shame Crowley approves of the Angel.

(Crowley thinks of the lie Aziraphle told Her and Crowley thinks of his own question.

There’s an ache in his chest at the thought that perhaps She didn’t like him.

He ignores it.)

(Crowley likes humans, he finds later. He likes their art and music and the way they have faith in each other.

It's a shame that just because Crowley likes humans doesn't mean he believes in them.)

iii.

The thing is, Crowley likes his Angel. Not for the fact that Aziraphle reminds him of what he once was, not for those romantic notions that Aziraphle is the light to his dark or whatever fanciful notions humans have come up with these days. No, Crowley likes his Angel because Aziraphle does not try to be kind.

He is kind, his Angel, but his Angel is also cruel. His cruelty is subtle when needed, the type that slides through the cracks in one's defences and lingers like poison. Aziraphle is cruel and does not try to be otherwise.

Aziraphle is kind and does not try to be otherwise.

And angels, Crowley knows, are far more cruel than any demon. They just hide behind miracles and the word holy.

Aziraphle hides too, yes, but Crowley’s Angel knows when he is being cruel and his excuses are more for show than anything else.

If Crowley were still an angel, maybe he would have fallen in love with Aziraphle by now. But he is a demon, a former angel, he is cruel and violent and he can’t love.

Not anymore.

(He’s lying to himself he knows. He looks at Aziraphle and something warm lingers in his chest. He thinks of something happening to his angel and wants to rage and he catches himself sometimes, wondering what the angels feathers would feel like under his fingers.)

(There are times when Crowley catches himself almost humming, a high vibration in his throat as though he’s about to attempt and let Aziraphle know how much the angel means to him. It’s a common practice in Heaven, humming at a pitch high enough only other angelic beings can hear when you were around someone you liked. Sort of a way of saying ‘this is my favorite person’.

Crowley doesn’t dare hum around his angel.

He doesn’t want to think of the implications.)

iv.

The end comes.

The end comes and Crowley wants to grab his Angel and run run run away. Run to the stars he had helped create, leave behind nothing that anyone else could follow. The stars love him he knows, they would help him Crowley and his Angel.

But his Angel believes, and Crowley can’t just leave him.

(He tries.

It doesn’t work.

He doesn’t believe in anything, but he just might believe in the humans he had Fallen for. He might believe in choice and love and he might believe in his Angel.)

vi.

The thing is there is a bookshop burning.

The thing is there is a bookshop burning and something in Crowley breaks when he can’t find a trace of his Angel in there. The grace that had saturated the place is all but gone and Crowley for once tries to call on his former abilities, tries to trace and track his Angel but it doesn’t work because of course, it won’t.

He’s a demon now.

Why would it?

Something in Crowley breaks in those moments between thinking his Angel is dead and finding out that his Angel is alive still. Something in Crowley shatters and Crowley doesn’t pick it up until he finds out his Angel is alive.

Heaven and Hell could rot, all that mattered was his Angel, the humans he had fallen for, and his angel.

His Angel that is alive.

The humans that soon wouldn’t be.

vii.

He doesn’t mean to but his wings spread out, tarnished gold and bright bright bright and Crowley grabs the hand of the Anti-Christ and stares at those in front of them.

His Angel doesn’t say anything, but when Crowley looks at him Aziraphle is smiling.

The Anti-Christ saves the world, and Crowley laughs in disbelief.

(Later, in a rebuilt bookshop. Crowley curls up in an armchair in the sun.

Later, Aziraphle joins him and hums at pitch no human would be able to hear.

Crowley joins him.)

**Author's Note:**

> it is 4AM i have BEEN UP SINCE 2:30 and i SHOULD PROBABLY BE BACK IN BED but no. i wrote this while suffering from coffee so now y'all gotta read it. have the thing. leave a comment.


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